There are too many broken people in the world these days. Despite being connected to each other more so than the world of the past, we remain disconnected and isolated from each other. We spend too much time on social media trying to gain followers in the hopes of becoming someone important. A lot of people who spend time on social media actually find themselves struggling with depression and isolation. I started spending a lot more time on social media last year when the coronavirus lockdowns took place and we were all forced into mandatory isolation. Looking for something to fill a social activity void, I turned to social media. I had been very actively involved with my parish before the lockdowns and now, all of a sudden, those opportunities were taken away.
I made certain semi-connections through social media in the past year but the social experience was never the same. There was a boss I had when I worked at Walmart who had two cats. One of them, a boy cat, had been a very outgoing and friendly animal in the past. But the animal went into a shutdown mode one moment and remained there. It became over-protective of my boss to the extent that it would hiss at even my boss’s friends whom she had over at her house for merely falling asleep in the wrong chair. I found out that my boss had been in an abusive relationship with her husband. After her separation, the cat became increasingly defensive of both his own personal space and her personal space. The cat was not mean in spirit at all but had gone through a traumatic experience.
One friend of mine in particular has noted my increased need for someone in real life to talk to. It is lovely to me that she has this concern for my mental being but like the cat, there is a lot of trauma I’ve been through. The incessant repetition that I have this need and this constant awareness that I have this need, doesn’t do any particular good when the need isn’t being met. I have compared it to having a gaping wound which gets bigger the more time goes by without the need being met and the constant repetition of the same advice and the raised awareness for the need only to be like adding salt to the wound. I’ve honestly been in tears because the wound in my spirit is severe. Sometimes, we don’t always know what a person struggles with and the best thing we can offer is our prayers from a distance. I know this friend lights candles for me and that her family prays for me so it is easy for me to forgive her and remind her that she hasn’t done any wrong.
But like the cat, there is emotional trauma. I moved from one place where I had someone to talk to. I met with my spiritual director for an hour or two at week. We’d talk about deep spiritual things and I’d share the book I was reading at the time with him. I’d even ask about different books on his bookshelf. Since moving states, I haven’t been able to come across someone like that. There is a glaring void in my spiritual life. I remember a Ukrainian Catholic priest asking me if I had any friends throughout the week. Other than the ones I interact with at church and at work, there are none. It is difficult to explain the depths of isolation that occur from this lack of someone to share deep spiritual insight with. There was a void created when I moved from Arizona to Virginia and it is difficult for someone who has remained sedentary to understand the gaping wounds that a giant move can cause. You lose friendships that you used to have. You have to figure out how to start over again in a new place. You don’t have the resources you used to possess. It’s a traumatic experience and for someone who has had difficulties building relationships, this has only effected the level of my isolation even more.
We’d like to be able to help our friends out by diagnosing the things wrong with them and then correcting them, but that’s not our job and in many cases, our friends actually already know what’s wrong with them. They just can’t find any solutions. They pry and they crawl along through a vast crowd of bodies like St. Veronica, the Woman with the Issue of Blood, not to be confused with the St. Veronica of the Western tradition. They go through these crowds wondering if there is healing to be found. They have already been to all the doctors they can find but they cannot find any to heal them of their problem. They’ve done everything they could. So they reach out to touch the cloak of that one Man walking through the crowds to heal the daughter of the priest. They reach out saying, “This will heal me!” We are all hurt people looking for healing in this world. Hurt people hurt people, often times unintentionally because we think we know that we have the cure for the person we love but we don’t. We’ve all been bad friends from time to time, but Our Lord offers us the gift of forgiveness. We wish we could heal our friends’ wounds, but it’s not our job to do that. Sometimes, we can only offer prayer and offer strength from the sidelines.